I got married a month ago!
I keep thinking that I “should” write something to you that is marriage-related, about relationships or commitments. And maybe I will, at some point. I’ll share pictures, too! :)
But honestly, there’s something else I learned from the experience that I’m wanting to share with you. It’s this:
Do you need to radically lower expectations for yourself?
Expectations about how much work you’ll get done,
how thoroughly you’ll prepare for the test or party or meeting,
how “fit” you’ll to be,
how “healthfully” you’ll eat,
how many friends you’ll have,
how on-top-of-it you’ll be in your personal and professional life,
how great a mom or friend or partner or employee you’ll be,
how often you expect be happy.
I’m thrilled to be married. My husband (!) is deep and kind and generous and smart.
But also, I’m exhausted. In addition to helping to plan a wedding, we moved across the country, lived in four different homes, and bought a place that needed some repairs. Plus I worked — and my work is deeply important to me.
So, it’s been a great year. But also, it’s been a tiring year.
The #1 most helpful thing I did for myself, during this year, was radically lowering my expectations for myself.
And when I say “radically lowering expectations for myself,” I really, truly mean it. Emphasis on “radically.”
I radically lowered expectations about how much work I could get done, how many people I could help, how much money I could make, how many new friends I could meet, how much I could travel or take on new commitments.
It’s easy to suggest this kind of thing, but living it was sometimes frustrating! There was so much more that I wanted in my heart to do, but I just didn’t have the capacity to take it on. And I was sometimes angry or judgmental about my lack of capacity. Katie, other people do way more than you. Why are you so tired? Why can’t you do more?
Do you recognize that judgmental voice? I find that most of us have it. But when I actually gave myself a permission slip to lower my expectations for myself, it was like landing on a soft, cool bed with really nice sheets.
It was way better.
So more than anything, this week I’m wanting to give you that same permission slip. Here is what it says:
It doesn’t matter if “other people” could do more.
It doesn’t matter if you think you “should” be able to do more.
All that matters is what you are capable of, and what you need in order to thrive.
Can you take the permission slip? Can you land on the soft, cool bed?
As always, I’m sending you strength + support for the week ahead. You’ve got this.