My sense of deprivation got triggered this week.
My sense of deprivation used to be a ferocious lion, but because I’ve been doing this work for so many years (a decade now!), it’s now just a kitten who mostly wants to nap all day. But it’s still there.
My sense of deprivation got triggered this week because I’d been eating a lot of apples. Honestly, I think I was just in an apple mood and Fall is apple season. I really enjoyed how sweet and filling they were, and how long they lasted on my counter (versus more perishable summer fruit).
But then I got attached to being someone who ate a lot of apples.
I’m a healthy person, I told myself. I’m the kind of person who only eats apples for snacks.
And then I felt like I wasn’t allowed to eat other things for a snack.
Like cinnamon rolls.
Or scones.
Or a cinnamon roll and a scone.
And then I was really hungry and I really wanted to eat a cinnamon roll and a scone for a snack.
So I did. And the ferociousness with which I ate it, and the degree to which I really, really wanted those things, told me that my sense of deprivation had been triggered. I was wanting these things in a deeper, more intense, and more emotional way than usual.
But I didn’t want my sense of deprivation to be triggered. I didn't want to be a person who even had a sense of deprivation anymore! So I tried for another day to two to keep being that virtuous person who loved eating apples, and only apples, for snacks. (I bet you can guess how that went.)
But eventually I surrendered.
I said to myself, Katie, I think you just need to let yourself eat more indulgent foods if you want to eat delicious foods.
And I ate indulgent foods.
I mean, I should be clear: I was already eating indulgent foods. I already eat dessert or chocolate at least once (if not twice or even three times) a day.
But the quantity and frequency of my indulgent foods increased noticeably. I wasn’t feeling bad in my body, but I was eating enough extra sugar and butter that I was certainly feeling less good. I got a little nervous. I wondered, is this my new normal?
But you know what happened? I ate some extra indulgent foods for a couple of days. And then…after eating a delicious apple galette from one of my favorite bakeries for a snack, I noticed I was still hungry an hour later.
Hmmm, I thought to myself, I bet an apple would be good.
And you know what? The apple was good. It was sweet and filling and it held me till dinner.
So, in case you needed a reminder:
It’s easy to get attached to an “idea” of yourself.
Your desires are not infinite.
Don’t confuse the outlier with the average (with apples, or with apple galettes).
Take good care of yourselves, friends.