Here’s a counter-intuitive thing that I do when I’ve eaten too much (either too much food, or too much indulgent food):
I give myself complete permission to eat, and to eat pleasurable foods.
I think this strategy is counter-intuitive because when we’ve eaten too much — either too much food, or too much indulgent food — most of us tend to do the opposite:
We try to eat less — less indulgent food, and certainly less food overall.
I call this this typical approach the “treat your stomach like your bank account” strategy. It seems to have an internal logic: if you spent too much this week, spend less next week. If you eat too much today, eat less tomorrow.
And yet, this strategy has two major flaws :
It can trigger a Binge Restrict Death Spiral.
Some binges are caused by a feeling of restriction, of feeling like we can’t have food we love. So if we — yet again — cut out food we love, we’re just giving more fuel and momentum to the death spiral. It’s better to take a deep breath and let ourselves freaking have more cheesecake or lasagna, when we truly want it (more on that below).It can put too much focus on food — when food wasn’t really the issue. It’s very tempting to focus on the drama of our eating — I can’t believe I ate so much! I need to come up with a reasonable meal plan for the rest of the week so I can compensate for this! And yet, it is very, very likely that the reason that you ate too much was, to a significant extent, not about food at all.
Instead, it was, for example, about how tired and agitated you feel at the end of your day, and the fact that you happen to be eating peanut butter straight out of the jar while standing next to the fridge is the symptom, not the truest, deepest cause.
If spend all our time and energy treating the symptom (perhaps by running to the supermarket and making ourselves pre-portioned Tupperwares of chicken and vegetables for the next five days), then we will miss out on an opportunity to examine and thoughtfully address the actual underlying causes.
Of course, I want to be clear: when I say that I give myself complete permission to have food, and to have pleasurable foods — I’m not saying that I go on a week-long binge.
Rather, I try to be good to myself and my body. For me, that means listening to myself about when to eat, what to eat, and how much to eat. A binge is often a sign that we are hurting (either our relationship with food is hurting, or we are hurting in our live as a whole) — and giving myself pleasurable food is a way of being kind to myself. Of course “pleasurable food,” might be all sorts of things; it could just as easily be a slice of pie as some watermelon and rotisserie chicken (or all three!).
…
When they first hear this strategy, many people think: oh, I couldn’t possibly do that. It would just *encourage* me to eat too much! It would be a disaster!
And yet, if I can convince them to try it, they are often amazed by how much more calming and kind and easy life feels. And — perhaps most surprisingly — they typically don't end up bingeing or over-doing it. Knowing that they can eat eliminates the desire to continue to feed themselves in a way that doesn't truly serve them.
So here’s my challenge for you: Next time you eat too much, try out this strategy. How does it work for you? Let me know how it goes!