I wanted to share four observations about fullness from my 11+ years of deeply observing my own eating. I hope they might also be useful to you:
1. Fullness is in the contrast
People often tell me that they have trouble knowing if they are full.
My next question to them is: Are you waiting until you are hungry to start eating?
The easiest way to notice fullness in your body is in the contrast with hunger — we know we are full when we feel the absence of the hunger sensation in our belly, the way our body calms when the slight agitation associated with being hungry is gone, etc.
If you start eating without actually being hungry — perhaps because you were snacking the whole time you made dinner — you will not notice this contrast.
In fact — and this is very important — If you start eating when you are neutral-to-somewhat-full…you will likely not get a clear signal of fullness until you get to the distended-belly-uncomfortably-full phase.
This is not a judgement about you being a bad person or “failing” in any way, if your belly is distended and you are uncomfortably full! It’s just an observation that being uncomfortably full is…uncomfortable. You will probably have a better experience if you simply wait until you are hungry to start eating.
2. Notice if you’re afraid of fullness
Many people I work with are afraid of fullness. They’ve spent years — or decades — associating fullness with bingeing, or with being “bad” and falling off of their diet or eating plan. Because, of course, when we are “on” our diet and eating plan, of course, we rarely allow ourselves to eat that much.
And yet, I can tell you, from over a decade of experience: our bodies were meant to be full. The experience of fullness is a sensation that you can experience many times a day, while also having a body shape that a healthy + relatively stable.
3. It’s okay to want to be full
When I first decided that I was going to listen to myself and my body about how to eat, I noticed that I really liked to end my meals full. Not uncomfortably full, but definitely solidly full.
I liked the feeling of having a solidly full belly — knowing that I would be happy without eating for several hours. I think it relaxed me, after years of always eating the “minimum” at every meal, to finally allow myself to eat a whole freaking burrito and feel full.
Of course, letting myself be full wasn’t the same as overeating to the point of making myself feel unwell. At that time (and still, sometimes!), it felt good to feel solidly full. It was a happy thing. I felt great — grounded and sturdy and calm. There is a difference.
Over time, once I knew that I could be solidly full as many times as I pleased without “ruining” anything…it eventually became appealing to be less full — often even “lightly” full. Now, how full I want to be varies with the weather, what I’ve eaten lately, and more.
This to say: Let your process be your process. Many people who are coming off years or decades of restriction will want to be full at first, because now they finally can. It will probably change over time.
4. Separate fullness from satisfaction
This is an advanced move, but I’ll mention it here in case it’s useful to you: it can be helpful to separate fullness (e.g., no longer being hungry, getting enough nourishment) from satisfaction (e.g., getting enough pleasure in a meal).
Often, if I’m eating something that is very pleasurable but also very rich — quesadillas, deep dish pizza, chocolate lava cake — what serves me best is stopping eating that food before I’m full.
I won’t make myself go hungry, though. I’ll just finish my meal with something else that is a bit lighter, and will make my body feel a bit better (which could be anything from fruit to yogurt to meat to cheese to random leftovers, etc.)
I worry a little bit that me mentioning this will trigger feelings of restriction in some of you reading this, so let me be clear: I eat lots of pleasurable, indulgent food.
The reason why this move is “advanced” is because you have to do it from a place of taking excellent care of yourself, not from a place of wanting weight loss or attempting to restrict yourself. I do it because I eat lots of pleasurable food, so I don’t have to finish this pleasurable food. I’d much rather eat pleasurable food and feel well at the end of the meal.
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I hope that these four observations were helpful! If these kind of specific, actionable ideas resonate with you, you might be a great fit for the Dessert Club Mastermind.
In the Dessert Club Mastermind, I’ll be sharing everything I know about how to eat in a way that truly serves you — without dieting, body-shaming, or a lack of warm chocolate chip cookies.
Eating doesn’t have to take up so much mental space or be so tiring — really.
I will be closing applications for the Dessert Club Mastermind *tonight* + there’s only two spots left. So if you’d like to grab a last spot, you can apply here.