Let’s do a quick activity: think of the last three times that you felt you ate in a way that didn’t serve you. It could be a lot of food, or just a couple of bites. Write them down.
Now, think about each of those times: why did you do that?
For many of us, this question is very difficult to answer. We just don‘t know why we did it.
And, of course, if we don’t know the true reasons, it will be very, very difficult to stop doing the activity. We'll act like the problem is the eating itself, and try to put all kinds of rules in place to stop ourselves from overeating (only 400 calories in a meal! Intermittently fast!)...without realizing that we are targeting the symptom, not the true cause.
Sometimes it’s easier to answer that question if you have ideas for why it could be — potential hypotheses. So today I wanted to share six reasons why I often see people eating in ways that don’t serve them (+ things I've done myself!):
1. Tiredness (emotional, mental, or physical)
This is so common that it should be one of the first things you check when you’re about to eat, especially if you’re grazing. Am I tired? Most of us are more tired — especially emotionally and mentally — than we want to admit. For many of us, the political, social, and pandemic trends of the past year have greatly exacerbated this fatigue.
Eating can often be a way of taking the "edge off" of the agitation we often feel...agitation that is often due to “pushing through” our days even though we’re tired.
2. Feelings
You’re having feelings. About a conversation you just had, or a conversation you need to have. About your job and whether it’s really the right job for you. About your colleague who is extremely annoying. And then, suddenly, you’re grabbing a handful of cinnamon sugar pita chips.
Often we don’t like to think of ourselves with labels like “emotional eaters” — and yet, our feelings are influencing our eating decisions.
3. Inability to notice your body’s eating-related sensations food
Many of us have never been taught, or have forgotten, how to sense hunger, fullness, and how foods make us feel in our bodies. Or we only notice when we are absolutely stuffed, or completely ravenous — we are not yet skillful at noticing the subtle gradations in hunger, fullness, or how our bodies are affected by what we eat.
And so we eat...without consulting our bodies.
4. Habit of not paying attention to your body’s signals around food
Maybe you could notice hunger, fullness, or how foods make you feel, but you just…don’t. You always eat lunch scrolling Instagram, for example, and so you miss these important signals.
5. Deprivation / scarcity
We’re afraid to be hungry, because if we get too hungry…we we'll never get full again because we aren't “allowed” to eat enough to get full. Or, we’re afraid that if we don’t eat this delicious food now, we won’t be able to have it again — because we often restrict our access to delicious foods.
It's important to name that these feelings may be very reasonable and rational; maybe we do restrict foods and portion sizes — or did in the past. The irony, of course, is that the attempt to limit portions and types of foods may push us to eat even more of those foods.
6. Need for pleasure
Maybe you don’t get enough pleasure in your eating (this is related to scarcity). Maybe you don’t get enough pleasure in your life as a whole. And so you go searching for it in this eating experience.
Sometimes this means that we eat too much of delicious or indulgent foods. But also, sometimes we will overeat on just-okay or even boring things — say, a dinner of chicken and vegetables — because we keep hoping: maybe this next bite will give me the pleasure I've been craving.
…
The good news about each of these six hypotheses is that you can do something about every single one.
Tiredness? Feelings? The inability to notice eating-related body sensations? The habit of not noticing those body sensations? Deprivation? A need for pleasure?
You can do something about every freaking one.
Of course, what you can “do” isn’t, say, become a robot. You know:
A I-can-work-for-12-hours-without-breaks-or-exhaustion robot
A I-don’t-like-warm-chocolate-chip-cookies robots
And, let us not forget: a I-never-get-hungry-and-can-happily-exist-on-1,200-calories-a-day robot.
The solutions that I can offer you are, well… human solutions.
But: there is a relief, I think, to at least acknowledging what the problem is. If you don’t look at the real problem, you will never solve it.
(And, just to mention — identifying the true problems, and figuring out human solutions is at the core of what we’re up to in the Dessert Club. Early Bird enrollment for the Dessert Club Mastermind opens on Friday of next week! Regular enrollment opens February 15.)
Your eating is an alarm bell. Listen to what it has to tell you. Build the skills that you need to respond productively.
It can be done.
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